Your Biggest Mistake
by Karallaye
Summary: A series of drabbles. Centers on Remus and his refusal to share his biggest secret. Each chapter takes place on or around the full moon, going through each year at hogwarts. Will be slash in the future.
1. 1 First Year

**A/N: So I've been gone for a while. I truly am sorry about that. It was a bit crazy, I was the lead costume designer for my play, and I graduated from High School. BUT I will get back to In Your Dreams, because I seriously enjoy writing that story. But it's been a bit of a Harry Potter Summer for me, and Remus/Sirius is the only Non-cannon couple that I can ship right now. I heard this song, and I had to write these dribbles. This one is only for the first bit of the song, and I'll be writing out bits for most of the song, as a sort of story arc showing Remus & Sirius budding relationship. **

**BTW: Harry Potter is the property of Warner Brothers & J.K. Rowling, Bloomsbury & Scholastic, so please don't ask if it's mine-It's just not. Also, "Your Biggest Mistake" is the property of Ellie Goulding. I'd encourage you to give it a listen while you read this!**

_**Take Cover...Signs don't show...**_

Remus opened his eyes, and after a moment of blinding light, he squeezed them shut once more. He spent thirty seconds debating the merits of actually getting out of bed, and dragging himself to class, but as he lifted his left arm to pull back the thick duvet, a white hot line of pain shot up his arm. Blinking back the sudden tears he turned his head away from the source of the light, and tried once more to discover where he was.

From the stark whiteness that seemed to invade even the most shadowy areas of the room, he could only assume that he had ended up in the hospital wing._ It must have been a full moon last night. _Even as the thought crossed his foggy mind, bits and pieces of memories began to float to the surface. Remus felt a bit of bile rise up in the back of his throat as the turbulent emotions of the night before began to make their way to the forefront of his mind. He looked down at his arm, and wasn't the least bit surprised to find it completely encased in heavy white gauze. It was almost funny, in the most cruel way, the way this routine, of sorts, had become almost normal over the past year. Hide - transform - destroy - pass out - wake up - hide - repeat.

Without any sort of preamble, the doors to the hospital wing burst open, and Remus just knew that it would be Sirius, come to check on his health after his latest fall or some other accident. He could only hope that after all of this time, his best friend didn't think him completely invalid. Swallowing back the lump in his throat, and the almost-gone tears, Remus shoved his wrapped-up arm back under the blankets, and plastered on a small smile. There was one excellent part of this sick cycle; every time Remus found himself in the hospital wing, Sirius would bring him chocolate._ Would he still do the same, if he knew?_

_**But you let go, 'Cos your hope is gone,**_

_**And every question fades away...**_


	2. 2 Second Year

_**You tread water, fighting for the air in your lungs... **_

Remus Lupin really should have stayed in the Hospital Wing this morning. It was shaping up to be quite a terrible day. His head was throbbing; really, it was a wonder it hadn't exploded during potions that morning, but he remained thankful that bits of his brain hadn't caused everyone else's potions to fail as well as his.

"Remus!", Remus tried to ignore the call that came from somewhere behind him. Instead, he pushed on through the throng of students milling about. Honestly, it was as if they thought he had nowhere else to be. "_Remus!",_ Heaving a heavy sigh, Remus set his shoulders, readjusted the strap of his bag, and continued walking. "_REMUS!",_ The intensity in the way his name was being said only made Remus walk a bit faster. He was determined to be alone right now. The stares of his peers were getting to be a bit much.

Making up his mind as he turned down a slightly less crowded corridor, Remus shoved his hand into the depths of his bag, and felt around for the familiar wad of soft, silky fabric he'd borrowed from James earlier in the week. But just as his fingers clenched around that elusive cloak, he felt a hand grip his shoulder. _Damn._ Turning slightly, Remus was relieved to see that at least the mystery screamer was only Sirius. With a small half-smile, he concentrated on matching his pace to that of the teen walking alongside him.

"_Jeeze Rem!_ What's a guy got to do to get a mo' with you these days?", Sirius seemed unperturbed about his friend's previous avoidance, as he watched the passing students go about their business. But when he finally shifted his focus to his best friend, he let out the softest, almost imperceptible gasp. There was a wide bandage wrapped around Moony's forehead, and while this was meant to hide whatever wound Remus had sustained, there was the faintest scratch peeking out near the boy's eyelid.

"It's nothing", Remus quickly looked away. Sirius let out a harsh scoff.

"Nothing my arse. You, Remmy my dear friend, are full of it. And between me and you, I hope we never have to discuss what _it_ is.", Remus almost felt the edges of his mouth begin to creep up at Sirius' mild attempt at humor, but instantly stamped down the smile, and tried to twist out of the other boy's grip. "Seriously though ole' chap", Sirius continued, donning a stoic mask as he went, "what's this nonsense you're parading around school in? And why didn't I receive the memo that hospital-chic was in again?"

"When was it ever _in_ in the first place?", the words had escaped Remus' mouth before he'd even had time to contemplate the prospect of indulging Sirius.

"Exactly. Which is why you've got me wondering why you've got that hideous scrap of fabric wrapped around your head like you want it there." Remus merely raised an eyebrow.

"No reason... Had a bit of... of a headache, yes." Sirius didn't look convinced in the slightest.

"You're grasping at straws here Remus. What's really going on?" But Remus couldn't stand the scrutiny any longer, so he simply made a quick sort-of shrug and immediately began walking in the general direction of the library. He needed to clear his head. He really should have just stayed in the Hospital wing this morning.

_**But you let go, 'Cos your hope is gone,**_

_**And every answer fades away...**_


	3. 3 Third Year Pt 1

_**It's a shame you don't know what you're running from...**_

The full moon was shining down brightly upon the marble-like surface of the lake. It seemed to almost be teasing all that wandered beneath it's light. Shadows danced upon the mountainside, the wind seemed to be mourning. Everything about this night was deceptive. The quiet calm was only really there for a moment before it was all thrown apart by the light of the moon and jumbled back together again.

There was a small house, well a shack really, and it seemed to move with the breeze itself. Inside, a small wolf lay tucked away in a corner of the highest room. If one were to describe this wolf, the word timid may come to mind, but in reality, he was nothing more than pathetic. What there was to be scared of, no one would know. This wolf was trapped in his own tumult of emotions.

With the moonrise came the implosion of his heart, and the reset of his nerves. Smells wrapped themselves around his mind, his senses wove under his skin and through his fur until the pain became only a line of fiery red invading every recess of his mind. There was no color. There was no thought. Only hurt and longing shoving themselves to the front. But there was something-some_one_ missing.

Alone. He was alone.

As usual.

But not really usual at all.

He couldn't really think. He pushed himself to wonder at what he knew was missing. It was as if a rainbow had streaked its way across the sky, only to find itself missing a color. For the first time, there was a note that wasn't there anymore. The space had been slowly filling itself in over time, and now, _nothing_.

As this idea became more tangible in the mind of the wolf, its pain switched from the physical sense to that heartache. Before he could stop himself, the wolf stood on shaky legs. The moon was calling. Paw over paw, heart thumping in his chest. One step at a time. Soon the wolf was bounding though the house; looking, searching, but not finding what it needed. An itch was growing beneath the skin.

A new pain tore its way across the body of the wolf. This was different. It burned brightly across his consciousness, blotting out the emptiness. But then a pool of darkness began to spread around the wolf. The sharp smell shook the wolf out of its reverie. This was not right. None of it was right. The wolf sat back on its haunches and seemed, for an instant, to try to take stock of the situation. But then that flash of control was lost, and the claws made their presence known once more. The night raged on, and the heart of the wolf tore itself to shreds.

**_Would your bones have to break?_**

**A/N: I tried going in a totally different direction with this bit. Writing the wolf was challenging. I hope this didn't come off as strange. There will be a pt 2 with the rest of the marauders, I should think.**

** Please review and let me know what you think! (Good, bad, whatever :)**


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